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Saturday, December 14, 2019

Auto-pilot mode on!!


Wait!  is it already Mid-Dec ?? !!  its so Christmasy everywhere!! 

I still remember the last few minutes of 2018,  I was flipping between Prime and Netflix to choose a right film to start 2019 positively. 12 months has rolled on, still flipping between them and the new addition of Disney+ to binge watch. 

I reckon all this technology/entertainment is  mesmerising my life and taking me high on the weed trip.I feel with all this options, I’m slowly losing my mind with more absent mindedness. Good thing that came out of all this is I hardly get anxiety these days because I keep forgetting everything. I have given up on my calendar notification as it keeps buzzing every half hour to remind me of something.. Too much is too much.

I'm sitting in my couch trying to recap past 12 months as if I was in some kind of Coma. Trip to London seems like a nice dream but I have picture proof that I have used the toilets in Buckingham palace (its not what you think!). And then to Fiji, I would’ve vouched it to be the best dream but that scary face mask hanging in the wall reminds me that I have been there for sure.so that’s cleared.

I remember my only goal of London trip was bring back A without losing him.  In one of the train journey to regional UK, I kept the train tickets safe in my pockets but when we got off I forgot where it was, I was looking all over my handbag(Should see look on A face!! all panic!!) and finally the station master let us go without ticket. I found my ticket outside the station. From then on, A took in-charge of holding the train tickets. He didn't want to risk it and started calling me Ms.Forgetful. <<Parenting tips: teaching little one how to be responsible!!>> 

Now I totally see why we need to get souvenirs and take million pictures of every second spent on holidays.

I feel I have not been doing much activity with A too, I remember last year we used to do art and crafts at home.. Now its all about board games, books and puzzles. Maybe that should be my resolution for next year to do more arty crafts with A. <Wait for me while I put that in my calendar as recurrence reminder everyday in 2020!! Done!!) . 

Oh yea!! then there was that poetry thingy!! it got published by Greater Dandenong library as a book. It all feels so far away. I still feel so doped. Trust me, I don't drink or take any drugs. Maybe naturally my hormones are producing something to stop me worrying or feeling anxious. Whatever it is, Im glad it's working.

Whatever happened in between its all blurred out.. You know what this means?!..
 <hear me out!! Im thinking out loud >



My life is in a bloody ground hog day..I do the same thing everyday.. that made my brain stop working just running in auto pilot mode.. In auto-pilot mode ,it just follow the std procedure and doesn't deviate from the steps..that is why I keep forgetting the things I do out of my routine like catching up with my friends or train tickets.. this totally makes sense. First thing first, I need break the auto pilot mode.

My brain  needs some break to break the auto pilot mode...

until then Caio..

Friday, August 23, 2019

Nostalgia

Two of my work got selected in a poetry competition run by Greater Dandenong Council, Victoria. Both Here and There and Nostalgia got published in a poetry book titled "HOME".  "Home" is a collection of work by talented individuals from different background. My piece here talks about nostalgic memories that  I call home.

                                                      -----------------------------------------------------




My heart is still in that hot summer
when I was 6,
I played with my cousins climbing trees,
Innocence, laughs and sour mangoes kept me going..


My heart is still in that hot summer
when I was 10,
I tricked my friends to see who could hold the breath longest,
the cool dip, hot sun and water games kept me going..


My heart is still in that hot summer
when I was 14,
I played street cricket with my newly made friends,
Cricket, cordial and more cricket kept me going..


My heart is still in that hot summer
when I was 18,
we kissed and parted ways,
Romance, teenage crush kept me going..

My heart is still in that hot summer
when I was 22,
I left everything behind and started a new journey,
A job, money and survival kept me going..

My heart is still in that hot summer
When I was 25,
I made a life promise to take care of my better half,
Love, life and new beginning kept me going

My heart is still in that hot summer
when I was 33,
I held my baby for first time, Ironic that I was born again,
Family, blessing and parenting kept me going

Home is where is the heart is..
I’m now in my old age,
reliving every summer I cherished,
everyday, every minute of it keeps me going..
I realise now,  all my life I’ve been Home.


Saturday, August 17, 2019

Here and there

This work of mine got selected in a poetry competition run by Greater Dandenong Council, Victoria and got published in a poetry book titled "HOME".  "Home" is collection of work by talented individuals from different background. My piece here talks about every immigrant story.. 

                                          -----------------------------------------


“Don’t stay there forever, come back home. We will be waiting for you.” my friend said to me when I embarked a new journey to this country.


“I will go back home after I earn enough, I won't stay here forever! I told my colleague.
Son! Now that you are aboard, we can’t just have a simple wedding for your sisters. People are expecting more. It’s not like we can’t afford it now!” my mom tells me in our video chat. I save up and transfer money back home.
You should buy a house. Rentals are dead money! You can always sell it when you go back home,” my wise friend advises.

Congratulations on your home loan! You now own your dream home.’ said my mortgage broker.

“Do you have any family back home? Do you visit them often?” I get asked.

Do you drive BMW or Merc back home”’ – my aunt asks me when visiting my family back home.

I guess forever I will be visiting my so-called “Home” and live in my “Second Home”. I’ll never have a place to call home.

A new colleague joined my team today and he is half my age. During our coffee break he says, ‘I will go back home after I earn enough. I won't stay here forever.”

I just smiled.


PC:Google Image

PS: The Book "Home" is available to borrow from any libraries in Victoria (Australia). It's not for Sale.

Saturday, June 8, 2019

(In)Visible truth

If I was invisible, I would fly from Atlantic to Arctic..
From Americas to Africas.. Everywhere,

If I was invisible, I would rob bank(s) and become the richest in the world,
If I was invisible, I would play pranks on people just to pass my day,
If I was invisible, I would rock the dance floor without a drink,
If I was invisible, I would do sing-a-long with Ed Sheeran and Camila Cabello,
If I was invisible, I would go to the top of Everest and make a snowman,
If I was invisible, I would fly up to space and experience other planets,
If I was invisible, I would ride an Amazon Jaguar and roam around the forest,
If I was invisible, I would meditate with monks watching the stillness of the lake,
If I was invisible, I would live in a place where I don't have to deal with SILLY people.

Yet I would stay visible just for you.



If I was invisible, you wouldn't know I exists,
If I was invisible, we couldn't have lived a life we lived,
If I was invisible,  I wouldn't remember our first kiss till my last breath,
The arguments, the agreements, the compromises are worth being visible.
The laughs, memories and being in love is all that matters.

I would stay visible for the hug that magically dissolves my stress,
I would stay visible to hold your hands when I panic,
I would stay visible to see you grow old with wrinkles,
I would stay visible to you even if I go invisible to this world.

Sunday, May 12, 2019

Life has changed..For good..

I used to be a vampire,
Staying up all late and going to classes next day without a fuss.

I never understood why people cry at the cinemas for a scene,
Duh! It’s just a movie.

Never had time to notice simple things, Life was an adrenaline ride.
Taking risk without thinking about consequence was the “norm.”

I had an “agenda” for my career.


If you wonder, how can it all change after a tiny creature entered into your life.

Forget about seeing an emotional scene from a movie, even hearing a normal conversation from a random stranger can make me cry now.
Forget about staying awake till midnight, just 5 minutes past 9 is all I can do now.
Realized little things have a power to brighten your day, Cuddle and a kiss can take away all stress..
Forget about that career agenda, any job that gives me “Me time” will do.
Forget about adrenaline, sending a snack with "traces of nuts" is my biggest risk right now.

Priorities have changed, Thought process have changed, and the responsibilities have changed,
Life in general has changed.. for good I suppose..

Happy Mothers Day!!

Monday, April 22, 2019

The Bucket list

Google Images




Darling,
I get that you are an explorer from your insta,
I started to make my bucket list.

I heard you are a foodie who hates cooking
I enrolled myself in baking.

I love sitting in the passenger seat and how perfect is that
When you mentioned you enjoy driving.

I’m more a listener than a talker and it works well
because you are one talker.

I understand the science behind opposites attract
better now than my school days.

Do you want to know what’s in my bucket list,
A long drive,
Listening you talk all night and
Waking you up with a smell of homemade pancakes and maple syrup.

Shall we do this like Russian-Doll in Netflix?

E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y until we die..

PS:RUSSIAN DOLL is a Netflix series which is more like ground hog day. In simple words it is just an .endless time loop.. 

A celebrates 2555 days..

Kanamma,


It’s that time of the year for us to celebrate you turning another year older, naughtier and cheekier.

You are turning 7yrs/2555 days as you calculated it... While I’m dreading the fact that you are growing up quickly, you are busy counting years to turn 18 (few days back, when you said you have 14 days and 11 years to turn 18!! I was taken aback!!)

Every time you do something awesome, you turn around and ask me whether I’m proud of you.. I want to assure you again “it doesn’t matter whether you were awesome or not, I’m proud of you every minute as long as you are happy doing whatever that you are doing”.  It’s not about coming first or being awesome, they are rewards of your hard work. I don’t expect anything more than your happiness.

You started to read books on your own and you started to read chapter books lately (Zac Power/Ninja kid). I find it very cute when you read’em in your mind (not aloud), sometimes rolling in bed or sitting in the car.

Ta is proud of your bowling skills, he is happy that you sometimes play in the garage for hours together on your own (just like him)..  I had to remind you often to walk normally without air bowling. You have all plans to become a cricketer in future; will see whether your dreams stay the same next year.

Board games are your favorite thing as always.. And of course asking questions!! You are more naughtier, cheekier as years go by.. You binge-watched “All hail king Julian” in Netflix last term break. What do I do with your smart arguments!!! We ended up watching them with you.

Your besties are M,D and Y at school .. You play Lego with M, Footy with D and hangout with Y.. You adore D’shy otherwise..

You are now the master of Connect-4 at home, you beat me and dad smartly. Lego is still your favorite hobby and you started more Technic ones. You made your first Lego remote train, Chess and remote controlled car that I thought was cool this year.

You played footy at Marvel stadium weekend before Easter.. You kicked a goal and 4 behinds..

Ta starts to count seconds the minute we start to cuddle, he knows that we fight/argue every minute. But next thing we are together hugging again.. He named us Tom and Jerry. If the house is silent , he knows something is wrong.. we are either fighting or watching TV together.

I’m grateful for the times you say something deep without realizing it and that simple words of wisdom shapes me to grow as better person every day.

I know you are eager to turn 18 and be on your own.. But trust me adult life is not all that glamorous (besides chewing gum and smart phone). Stay blessed and cherish your seven.

Wishing us another wonderful year of fun.. Cheers to more arguments & bonding..

I love you to the moon and all other planets and 1000 other galaxies and back. And I know exactly what would be your response “I love you to Guru and back”..

Snapshot of last year
PS: I'm so glad you could read this post before I posted it.. Although you dont approve of some things above.. I'm still posting this ..