Enough is Enough

Yesterday I participated in a discussion on ‘Dowry Violence in Australia’ organised by Human Rights-Australiasia as part of 16 days of activism campaign against gender- violence. Discussion panel had students from different countries (India, SriLanka, Pakistan, African, Afghan). It was a open discussion however this event is to get youth perspective on Dowry Violence.

What is Dowry?

Most of us from South Asian Community know what it is, but let me  just  explain what it is in simple terms for my friends who are new to hearing the word Dowry.

History:

Dowry used to be a simple gesture of giving gifts to brides by bride’s parents during the wedding..Gifts is something that bride’s parents can afford & willing to give to the bride. it started in those  days when women didn’t have rights to any assets nor had any rights to work. Gifts are anything from pots and pans to jewellery depending on bride’s parents affordability. Dowry is an “EXTRA” or “ADDITIONAL” gift to the wedding expense (invitation, guests, food, decoration, reception etc.,) parents pay.

Slowly it changed to Dowry "Demand" period (until early 2000), where in Grooms side demands unreasonable dowry which is more than the bride's side can afford.  For the better future of the girl, Bride’s parents (and brothers) loan money from bank or people they know to meet the demands. Sometimes they can’t able to meet the demands, so the bride gets abused and in few cases killed by her grooms' side after marriage. Thank god, law is enforced demanding dowry is legally a crime in India.

Dowry demand used to be a the "NORM", it pushed people to think

• Daughters are an expense and liability to a family
• New born or unborn girl babies were killed or aborted  
• Priority given to educating boys in the family than girls. Parents couldn't afford on girls education i.e another expense added to dowry/wedding for girls.

lot of campaign and laws were introduced to create awareness to people. Thank god it has reduced considerably over the years(especially killing newborn babies).. sadly it still exists in small numbers.

Current Situation :
Dowry "Demands" still exists and in some cases subtly. We read about courageous brides standing up against unreasonable demands. However, those are ONLY very few brave women. Social and community peer-pressure for Bride & Groom’s parents these days are huge. Dowry is now a platform to show off their status and reputation in society.  

What is Dowry Violence?

Dowry violence is a type of domestic violence either physical, emotional or sexual. It is a result of greed for more unfair demand which led to abuse, deaths & murders. Even though there is a law in India if a bride is abused or killed or dead within 7yrs of marriage first suspect is groom and his family.  Latest stats from 2015 (INDIA) shows there were ~9000 cases filed under dowry abuse.

Dowry Violence in Australia
Lot of South-Asian/Middle-Eastern/African migrants have moved to Australia and we are predicting more people to migrate in coming years too.. Dowry is new to many who live here.. but it exists within these communities. Lot of girls are married from these countries and move to Australia with no or little support here. They get abused, few were killed  (three that we know off- check video link below)  by their spouse/inlaws.

People like Dr.Manjula O’Conner, Former premier Ted Baillieu who work along with Australiasian centre for Human rights and Health (ACHRH) have put incredible effort for this cause which is recognised in Victorian Parliament and has been included in Family Violence Protection Act of Victoria.

We all know this is wrong but WHY does it exists still? How do we STOP it

• It is hardwired in people’s mind, it is their RIGHT to demand/GIVE Dowry.  Ways to stop is to make CHANGE in people's mindset. No one has any right to demand unfair dowry nor have to prove one's wealth or status.
• It is hard for the victims to speak up sometimes due to circumstance, so people around them like friends or extended family must speak up .
• Awareness and Education, Girls and Boys from young age must be taught about their rights, gender equality and most importantly abusing others in any form is a CRIME. 
• We need to create a supportive and safe environment for the victim to feel safe to speak up.
• Last but not the least we all need to change, it has to start from each one of us to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.. You do it 'coz you can afford to. But you are making people in your circle/community feel that they should do the same to “FIT IN”. So think before you do it yourself.

 References : Dowry deaths in Australia  check out the youtube video.

PS: I have written this article from the point of view of bride's family who give dowry in India. But same applies to grooms family who give dowry in some communities especially African and Middle-Eastern. Interesting fact is Women is abused regardless of background.