Brain works

"Your brain thinks like a man."

That’s what my friend told me during our weekly chat. And honestly? She truly meant it as the ultimate compliment.

Let me give you a little context. Once a week, I meet with an incredible woman. She’s from a non-English speaking background and wants to practice her language skills. She is the definition of a powerhouse—kind, deeply nurturing, a curious learner, and a fiercely hard worker. Between her full-time job and acting as a carer for her child, her parents, and her sister, she is a real-life superhero who has absolutely no idea she has superpowers.

Our catch-ups usually revolve around discussing a weekly podcast, breaking down an article, or working on her computer and typing skills so she can better navigate technology. But during a recent conversation about weekend plans, things took an interesting turn.

I mentioned that I had gone into the city by myself the previous weekend, grabbed lunch solo, and came home.

She looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.

Mind you, this is a woman who manages an entire ecosystem of people every single day. Yet, when I suggested she try going to a local coffee shop completely on her own sometime, she looked at me like I was absolutely crazy.

"Sister," she said, using her warm term of endearment for me, "what will people think if I sit alone?"

I asked her plainly: "Why do you care what others think?" I tried to explain the pure freedom of solo exploration, but the concept just wasn't clicking.

To make it relatable, I gave her a scenario. "If you and I go out together, and I say I want ice cream, but you secretly want cake... what would you do?"

"I would pick ice cream," she answered without hesitation.

"Exactly," I replied. "You would choose what the other person wants to keep them happy. But if you go on your own, you can have the cake. And if you change your mind, you can have the ice cream too."

She stared at me for a moment as the realization washed over her. Then, she dropped the line:

"Sister, your brain thinks like a man."

In her mind, men are the ones who move through the world with the freedom to do what they want without a care for outside judgment. To her, imagining a life outside the strict expectations of her peers was entirely foreign territory.

I didn't quite know how to respond in the moment. But deep down, the hardcore feminist in me felt an unexpected wave of validation.

For just a moment, through her eyes, I wasn't being boxed into the endless cycle of people-pleasing and self-sacrifice so often expected of women. I was just acting with autonomy. Finally, I felt part of that highly privileged class: a human being.

Breaking patriarchy with micro-feminism - its my pay it forward kinda deal.