Week 6- Wandering thoughts during lock down
Its one of those days, I woke up feeling sad..I hardly ever worry about anything except for that yearly dose of unresolved issue I get(Inside joke).. But this is different. I'm not sure why/what bothers me.. I mean I know but I don't know. Its been 6 weeks since I started working from home, I don't know how long we will be doing this. I'm not complaining about my work or working from home, I quite enjoy this routine and spending more time with A.. Its the uncertainty of the situation and the unknowns scare me the most.
The things I took for granted all this years, like meeting family who live far away in different continent, friends who I haven't met in years (always in my yearly plan and not got around it) and life in general.
The yearly family visits, the three to four weeks that I spend with parents/in-laws /sister/ nieces/ nephews. The cancelled catch ups with friends due to time limitation in every trip meaning postponing that to next year/trip, I leave behind things that are important to me thinking I will pick them up in my next year/trip, I tend to add things to my next-trip-must-do list (could be a place or shop or restaurant or catch up with friends).. I wonder when is the next trip?
A loves his visits to grand parents as he gets more attention and pampering, not the constant 'Nos and Don'ts' that he gets at home. He likes visiting farmland/farm animals/tractor rides, long drive to periamma/pa house, watching grandmas Ipad with no restrictions and fun times with cousins. He looks forward to his next trip always. what do I answer him now?
Every trip , I look forward to my mom's cooking (has to be first in the list), Shopping with mum (she is such a good company), late night gossips with sis, unlimited laughs with my niece/nephew discussing about everything, Spending time at the house I grow up, going to temple every day morning with my parents (makes me feel like their little girl) and drive to the village I spent most of my summer holidays. Every time my mom discovers a new shop or new temple, she calls me and says 'next time when you visit, we should go there..You will like it'.. I really want to go there now and be with her and take her to those temples and shops that she mentioned. I wonder when?
I have managed to keep in touch with my friends all this years even though we don't call each other much due to family commitments or time difference. But we are in touch mostly..Every time I depart from India, good bye phone calls to friends leads to unfulfilled promise to meet them next time. Always next time.. I've taken every future trip as if its the norm and done it all this years. I wonder when will be my next? I really wish to meet them next time.
I had plans to visit my cousins and some friends in SFO/Chicago this July. All that is now cancelled. Never in my worst dream I thought something this small can ground us all like this. Even when I cancelled my tickets last month, I thought next year it is and stayed positive.. But now, the uncertain future scares me.
I read an article last year about future jobs for the kids who are in primary school now. Forget about the future jobs, with homeschooling and isolation makes me wonder if this continues for a year, children might forget how to be in a classroom and its going to be tough starting all over again. What if this doesn't end in a year and continues for more time.. I don't know whether I'm being dramatic!! I tell myself, my dad never finished high school, he is hard working, dedicated and successful .. maybe A will be too..
Everything will fall in place, everything will be okay.. Don't think about tomorrow or next year.. just be in the moment- I had to remind myself often these days.
Am I thinking too much? Maybe..but I feel better after capturing my thoughts/acknowledging my emotions here.. Reading this post again makes me relive those moments.. I'm thankful for the family and the yearly visits.
The things I took for granted all this years, like meeting family who live far away in different continent, friends who I haven't met in years (always in my yearly plan and not got around it) and life in general.
The yearly family visits, the three to four weeks that I spend with parents/in-laws /sister/ nieces/ nephews. The cancelled catch ups with friends due to time limitation in every trip meaning postponing that to next year/trip, I leave behind things that are important to me thinking I will pick them up in my next year/trip, I tend to add things to my next-trip-must-do list (could be a place or shop or restaurant or catch up with friends).. I wonder when is the next trip?
A loves his visits to grand parents as he gets more attention and pampering, not the constant 'Nos and Don'ts' that he gets at home. He likes visiting farmland/farm animals/tractor rides, long drive to periamma/pa house, watching grandmas Ipad with no restrictions and fun times with cousins. He looks forward to his next trip always. what do I answer him now?
Every trip , I look forward to my mom's cooking (has to be first in the list), Shopping with mum (she is such a good company), late night gossips with sis, unlimited laughs with my niece/nephew discussing about everything, Spending time at the house I grow up, going to temple every day morning with my parents (makes me feel like their little girl) and drive to the village I spent most of my summer holidays. Every time my mom discovers a new shop or new temple, she calls me and says 'next time when you visit, we should go there..You will like it'.. I really want to go there now and be with her and take her to those temples and shops that she mentioned. I wonder when?
I have managed to keep in touch with my friends all this years even though we don't call each other much due to family commitments or time difference. But we are in touch mostly..Every time I depart from India, good bye phone calls to friends leads to unfulfilled promise to meet them next time. Always next time.. I've taken every future trip as if its the norm and done it all this years. I wonder when will be my next? I really wish to meet them next time.
I had plans to visit my cousins and some friends in SFO/Chicago this July. All that is now cancelled. Never in my worst dream I thought something this small can ground us all like this. Even when I cancelled my tickets last month, I thought next year it is and stayed positive.. But now, the uncertain future scares me.
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| PC: Google images |
I read an article last year about future jobs for the kids who are in primary school now. Forget about the future jobs, with homeschooling and isolation makes me wonder if this continues for a year, children might forget how to be in a classroom and its going to be tough starting all over again. What if this doesn't end in a year and continues for more time.. I don't know whether I'm being dramatic!! I tell myself, my dad never finished high school, he is hard working, dedicated and successful .. maybe A will be too..
Everything will fall in place, everything will be okay.. Don't think about tomorrow or next year.. just be in the moment- I had to remind myself often these days.
Am I thinking too much? Maybe..but I feel better after capturing my thoughts/acknowledging my emotions here.. Reading this post again makes me relive those moments.. I'm thankful for the family and the yearly visits.
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