2020- To be continued in 2021

Its been ages since I opened my personal laptop, working from home has changed everything, its more like living at work. It meant all I do is work - eat- sleep in a merry go circle - day in and day out. Totally not me and so not fun I could say. 

With so much happening in my life, Im learning more about life and reality, expectations from myself and setting boundaries for others. I believe there is a reason that this is happening now, it seems like a painful process but I might appreciate this in future when I know what impact/how strong  this  has made me.

Only thing I struggle is to deal with is people.. People who show no or little respect for emotions or feeling. I guess everyone has issue with it.  I choose to stay silent, why not? when other person doesn't listen what I'm saying, why waste my energy. Keeping away from the toxic people actually keeps me sane.

2021 is an extension of 2020. There is no place to hide or escape, I believe I have to  face the problem rather than procrastinating. It all depends on how the world is going to go with Covid vaccine and no more surprises.

Things Im grateful for 2020

1. Family - Got to spend day in- day out with my boys. Made us stronger as a family.

2. No after care/vacation care for A - This is first time A stayed home for all his break or got picked up right after school without going to after care. I quite enjoyed the walk sometimes from school. 

3. More writing - Had a chance to explore more of my writing skills. Just in last 5 months I did 72 quotes/poems in yourquote.  

4. Moral support I received from my friends and family. I couldn't have coped without them. 

5. Setting personal boundaries with toxic people and not afraid to stop them abusing the relationship.

6. Lots of cooking- perfecting my fav dishes, learning new recipes and trying to stay healthy.

7.  For a safe place I live surrounded by nature, thankful for the mountains, beaches and my garden.

8. Moved two jobs in the pandemic and quite successfully done it in remote setup.

9. Learning more and more what I want and exploring what I want to do/be.

10. A started his first under 10 - cricket league. Guru seems to be proud of him, Im sure A is an excellent learner. First step towards his dream in case he is serious about it.

11. No rushing days- from waking up early to catch crowded train to work , after work manage a not cancelled or delayed  train to get back to pick A on time then take him to classes.. All that was spared this year. I feel like I have life and breathing space.

12. A's compassion and kindness in the worst time that helped me heal. He is my healer.

13. Lot of virtual zoom calls to extended families and friends. Caught up with old friends and family.

14. Learnt what matters most for my life. 

Unpleasant things from 2020: Still grateful for these thing coz they made me stronger and know my boundaries.

1. Starting from Jan- we lost 6 people in the family.. All of them were unexpected and sudden.. Every loss was hard to cope but the one that hit us really hard, still trying to cope with it is G's dad. I really don't want to forgot that initial 2 months. The pain and stressful time reminds me how much a person can impact us in a good way.  

2. Health toll - the amount of stress took a toll on my health.. Just by thinking of it brings back the pain. Im really taking one day at a time for now. Cant be overwhelmed by thinking about next week or next month.

3. The stress toll - the amount of stress this year had was/still totally overwhelming. So many hurdles, sometimes I felt drowning and there is no way out. 

4. People's attitude- the people who I thought were family just acted worst when we needed their support. I don't know when and how I could ever forgive or forget the worst time. 

5.Subaru car got hit twice - one in Feb and another one just before Christmas -both time no fault of its own. I hope 2021 is better for the car.

6. I trip that I planned to visit family and friends in US and India got cancelled. Hope to get to it in few years.

One important lesson I learnt to not to be afraid to STAND UP for myself and my happiness and my life is in my hands,, no one gets to decide that.