All for Nothing

One could split their life in to two parts if you are married, life before and life after.It sounds cliche'  but life do change in some way.  One such thing is the pressure of having a child, you get married and tried to settle down financially first before you commit yourself to take on bigger responsibility. Child is something was not in my radar , I was not ready emotionally, physically and financially at first. 

We had our plans to settle down before we commit ourselves to become a parent. We wanted to make sure We build a support system in the new country we just moved in. If you live closer to your family, you have the privilege to count on them for occasional child minding.  I don't have that privilege, all we could do is one of us have to quit our job to take care of the child until he or she is  ready to go to day care.  

Pressure was on from day 1, initially you don't take'em seriously, just brush off the comments to a point after 2 yrs everyone around become  an expert advisors. They go ahead and plan things for you without consulting and you just go with their plan just to be polite. 

Some suggest visiting gyno and even book an appointment for you before you decide,  some suggest visiting certain temple and kind enough to book a pooja without your knowlegdge, you are put on spot to perform the pooja, someone told us that we were having too much fun, we should start taking life seriously. To top it off, family will take you on a guilt trip quoting ageing parents who were at that time in their early 60's and we are getting old (literally we were 27yrs old) 

All the while we bought a house, travelled a bit, finally stable and I made few friends who are my support system. We both were focusing on our careers esp me, because  I want to take that maternity break without feeling financially pressured to go back to work. By then, our peers all had atleast one child - the ones who got married after us, before us , with us. All of them. It wasn't so much pressure from them. But pressure family gives you, you start to feel pressured at every baby shower & every first birthdays you attend,  and every chance you are reminded that you are behind.  

One of the trips we were visiting family, I was taken to a gyno. She didn't do any test, simply looked at me and said I had PCOS and I will have trouble conceiving. I wasn't even sure what PCOS is!!. I came back home and booked an appointment with a gyno and he told me there is no certain way to confirm PCOS other than doing minor surgery (Laparoscopy). I didn't want to risk it, we agreed to do that. The procedure came back negative with no cysts. From then on, I felt worried coz I thought it would be hard to conceive with my irregular period. I couldn't think rationally because of these half-cooked advices I was hearing all the time.

After few months, our gyno suggested us to go on to IUI treatment which involves artificially inseminating in to my uterus and injecting steroids everyday for a month. And he also said the success rate is only small %, I dont remember. Mind you, I was so scared of injections from childhood, Cant even see the sight of it in TV. kind of a phobia. 

I couldn't relax from the pressure I was getting from family, now I can't go back to them and talk about my treatment. I know I will be hearing "we told you so". So we did the treatment without any moral support. First time it failed, second time and third time too failed. Doctors said we don't have much choice other than IVF. We thought we will take a break from this drama for sometime.

Luckily we had a opportunity to go to Italy and we extended the trip for 6 weeks and then to Manila. First week in that trip we told ourselves we can adopt a child if required and decided to not go through IVF. The trip went on and we came to Manila. It was the best vacation ever. 

Two days before we were leaving Manila, I felt feverish after a day of river rafting. I thought its from the water. But like old time habit, I bought a pregnancy kit and tested it. I couldn't believe the double line, I have never seen two lines in a pregnancy test. I was reading the instructions again and again. Maybe it was faulty test,  so I went to a medical centre and did a blood test to confirm. Yes, finally after all that pressure, after we have given up, it happens. 

Looking back, I wouldn't say the pressure, stress was all worth it. It was all unnecessary. People just talk without any understanding, you think family is your support system but then they panic and pass on the vibes to you. For all those people who are trying for a baby, dont listen to anyoe even if they had 10 children of their own. Everyone body is different, our journey is different, dont feel pressured.. it will happen, take your time, you are not in any race. don't listen to any unsolicited expert advice from google-advisors. They know nothing. 

In the end, I did manage to take 4 yrs of maternity break without any financial stress to go back to work. I wouldn't regret our plan. I was mentally strong to handle a child on my own. I felt I was in the better place than 5 years ago.