East or West

Recently I had an interesting conversation with a friend over lunch. The conversation only got interesting when we started talking about cultural differences between the East and the West. I grew up in the East but spent all my adult life in the Western world. She on the other hand grew up in the Eastern-infused Western world.

What I mean when I say Eastern-infused is when the first-generation Eastern migrants like us move to Western countries and raise their children in a mix of both worlds.

For example, I pick and choose the festivals and customs I could do given time permits. Celebrating Holi and Dandiya is not part of my upbringing but is practiced now. Since these celebrations work well in connecting with my friends. I have seen some strong Eastern and European families holding on to the traditions and culture for generations after migrating to Western countries.  One of my Italian colleagues makes her tomato passata for the entire year every Feb and it’s a family event with her mother and siblings. 

All these customs and celebrations are the key to keeping the families and communities together.  The disadvantage of being in a community-based upbringing is that ONE could get traumatised by the societal pressure and the constant need to prove that you are living a better life by showing off materialistically – getting better grades (more than 99.99%), a bigger house, posh cars, lux brands, and list goes on.

On the other hand, Western society has little say in anyone’s life other than traffic rules.

Financial responsibility to take care of yourself is the same in both the East and the West but in the East, it is never enough. There is always someone richer than you or someone who achieved more than you. The Pressure is ON. Whether you want to use the pressure to motivate you or traumatise you, it's a choice in hand. 

Enough of all that intro in to the topic, lets get in to our actual convo

My friend asked me how do I feel about being in the West, Do you ever feel lonely? 

Me: Hmm, I never thought about it. Its been 20 yrs since I moved and I'm been busy exploring ever since. 

My friend is still looking at me for answers,

I continue talking , "I have to say personally growing up in the east and moving to the West as a Girl in her early twenties, you will start to feel the freedom. Freedom to be YOU without questions, from what to wear to what to do without "permission". It is a BIG deal with lot of breathing space. And I cannot imagine going back, its very subtle and hard to explain. do you know what i mean!?"

My friend: Kinda understand what you mean. She continued: "being single in the west gets very lonely"

I gave a surprised look,  My friend continued "Yes, it is. It looks greener on the other side but its just a mirage!"  and she starts to talk about how Covid made it even more harder since we had the worst lockdowns in the world after China.

A lot of people in the West surprisingly younger people are lonely, sure you don’t have to answer to any society or family.  But it comes with a PRICE. I said "Im sorry I never thought it that way! suddenly it looks greener on my side now!".. We both smiled in an understanding way. It is time to get back to work.

I thought about it for a while, I get what my friend said earlier. My life would be nothing if I don't have anyone to talk to. I benefit from the Western life but I rely on my eastern connections aka my family, cousins and friends (from school and collage) to keep me SANE. I talked to them almost everyday/every week and we make video calls on birthdays and festivals. This whole conversation made me realise how much I have taken all that for granted. Thats the reason I don't miss or feel I'm far away.

East or West - both life styles have pros and cons , my take on it is to experience both and suit your life based on your needs. If you want more traditions, culture, society and people in your life- go East and if you like to be left alone- go West.  Or like me who lives eastern-infused-Western life- GO FOR IT.