Wo(a)ndering thoughts!!!

// This is my entry to SBS - Emergence (non-fiction category)//  This is a story of a girl who dreams a new dream.  No one ever asked her what she wants to be when she grows up. I suppose a girl from a small country town have her life preplanned even before her first breath. With no surprise, her life is foretold just like any other girl in town, she would go to 2 of 3 school, college if lucky and then get married, have children, live a life for her family and die thinking she served her lives purpose. It is really a piece of cake if you follow the plan. Life is not that complicated when you have no dreams and expectation.  Ten year old me dreamed of a future to live with my parents forever. I didn't know there was a world that existed outside. It is not like I was kept under the hood, my dad took me on an occasional trip to big cities and most of my summer holidays spent with my cousins at the country house. But for me home is where my parents live, and my future is to l...

 Finally the D-day which most of us thought would never come.. To be able to fly back to see loved ones and physically spend time with them, not a video call, no more "You are on mute, press the mic button" or "Turn the camera otherway"..  Trip was emotional, healing and lived every minute of it.  The value of something is truely understood in its absence, 2 yrs of lockdown has taught me the value of people, human connections and the energy we give each other. Australia had the toughest lockdowns. It scarred us all for life I guess.  Lil A started counting down the minute I booked our tickets, he started packing month before, even his cloths ironed and packed in a suitcase. He is one my dad's V2 hands down. We did a weekend away to farm stay week before we were scheduled to fly, A was upset that he packed all his cloths :) Mom  started making pickles, dry mangoes for A and stocking noodles and pasta in her pantry. Lil A demanded her not to make dry mangoes coz h...

 Dasaratha enters Kaikeyi's apartment, she looks stunning as always without makeup . "This is the 5th time this week, there is no water in the Tank. This apartment complex is the worst you could find me?!!" Dasaratha looked at his beautiful wife, "Morning darling!" "and that iRobot doesn't charge for some reason, the security camera has issues from last week, nothing works here!" shows her frustration by throwing the sofa cushion.  Dasaratha gets her a glass of water "Calm down sweet heart!, breathe in!" Kaikeyi gives him a killer look,  "Did you talk to Ram about moving out? " Dasaratha doesn't respond, sits quietly next to her and checks his phone. Kaikeyi " I ask you one thing, just one thing!!, Don't you love me?!" she keeps her face like cute little puppy Dasaratha knows this is her usual trait to get something done . Dasaratha feeling helpless, calls Ram, he doesn't respond. He checks Ram's phone ...

Its been almost 2 yrs since I blogged properly, partly coz I didn't know how to cope with losing few ppl close to my heart and deal with difficult family members.. Started off in early 2020, took me whole of 2021 to start my healing journey and Im in the process still. It felt like it never-ending constant battle trying to come out of grief /anger/frustration along with anxiety caused by expectation of others. Healing takes time, looking back I'm proud of myself for being mindful of my emotions and acknowledged them instead of ignoring 'em. It felt like lot of work and whole year seemed blur.   I'm in a much better place right now in that process, still healing, but Im aware of my triggers and try not to think or talk about them. Trying to set healthy boundaries around people which is hard especially you are always told to go extra mile with others. Identifying the thin line between being self-care and selfish.  You are not healed until you come in peace with your traum...

Every year Santa leaves a response note for A's letters, last year  as always A wrote a nice letter and Santa responded back appreciating his good behaviour and insisted him to start including FRUITS in his diet. I'm cap'ing fruits coz it is one of the battle, rather I call it a war that we were losing with A. It was giving G sleepless nights (not exaggerating!!).  Back story, we moved to South Korea when A was around a year old baby. He loved his breakfasts with fruits and yogurt and his childcare Korean lunches kimbap, soup, kogi & kimchi. We returned back to Australia when he was 3.5 yrs old, it was big change for him to adapt & adjust/include new culture/people/language/food in his routine. During that process, he lost appetite to any fruits and yogurt. He loved his yogurt/cheese/fruits while we were in Korea. What we found in the process is that taste varied from what we had there and  what we got here which made him totally avert these things. I didn't pu...

  Its been almost a year since we lost my father in-law due to Covid. We still haven’t came out of denial, we don’t know how to. Coping with loss without any closure or emotional support is hard. Closure : Pic source  https://www.nysfda.org/index.php/funerals-memorialization-3/222-what-is-closure When it happened last year, my husband was in complete shock. Year on, he still says he should’ve saved his dad. The guilt of not being next to his dad to provide moral support during those weeks is forever to live with. I still remember   the day his dad called us and said he has light temperature and going for Covid test. We didn’t think much since covid spread in the town where he lived was not high, we thought it is just a precautionary action. Probably that was the last time hubby spoke to his dad in full conscious. Same day FIL got admitted into hospital , slowly within 2 days he went to critical state and we never had a chance to speak to him after that. It escalated quick...

Its been exactly a year since I blogged properly, I felt lost for a while.. Woke up today with memories in FB showing one of my old post and that motivated me to get back to my space.  where do I start? Guess I can start with what I enjoy the most- writing about my conversations with lil A . Lil A stayed home almost 5 to 6 months in last 1 yr with 4 lockdowns.  Pretty much staying home together for that long made us Tom and Jerry.. Just without violence..and more endless arguments for anything from who gets the snack from pantry or switch off lights at night to everything..  Recently he started saying "Amma, you are so annoying!!" often... and in few minutes he gives a hug or kiss to cool me down.  March'21 I went for a weekend getaway with my GFs to Keyneton, stayed 2 nights and 3 days.. I called G after dropped my friends .. A picked up the phone, and the conversation went like this..  Me: Hi baby!! A  Where are you? When will you be home amma? Me: I...